Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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