Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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