I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
