nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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