if only i could text you this smell
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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