i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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