the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
