nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
