I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
