I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
