I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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