I need help removing her.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
