No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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