Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
