so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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