Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
