I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
