I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
