it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
