And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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