CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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