can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
