Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
