You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
