Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
