Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
