I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
