please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The power of my boobs compel you
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
