That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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