apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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