Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
