Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
