Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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