she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
