I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
