I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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