shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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