I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
