is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it was like eating out sand paper
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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