So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
