This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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