So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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