he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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