I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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