Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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