Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
