He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
