she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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