The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
