the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize