i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
