You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You have to summon your inner elephant
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
