Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
