Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize