I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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