Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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