I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
