pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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