i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
