I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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