You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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