i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
