a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
false alarm. still invincible.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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