Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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