Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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