allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
