The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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