Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
