I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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