Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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